Ah, 2009...how surreal it seems. Remember as a kid when you thought Prince's song "1999" seemed light years away? Over the past few years I've completely moved away from the whole bit around resolutions. I was too busy and tired to care, and as a type-A perfectionist the thought of declaring a resolution for something I was sure to break was leaving me in the mood of "why bother?" This year, I feel differently about it.
A friend of mine recently posted a note on Facebook about resolutions, and really, how they are promises we make to ourselves, because we must take care of ourselves, and I tend to agree. I become so busy as mama, wife, employee, daughter, sister, friend, and neighbor that I tend to overlook me. I'm not talking about being selfish, but I am convinced that better care of me certainly means a happier me, which enhances all of my relationships, along with my life. A better me equals a better mama, better wife, and so on.
When I look back over 2008, I've had some great starts that are important to continue. I've started cleaning up this cluttered mess of a house that has no storage. I'm starting to see no storage as a good thing. Unless they are holiday decorations, I probably don't need what is packed away, save for the baby items I wonder if we'll have the opportunity to use again someday. My three big themes for 2009 are faith, health, and simplifying/de-cluttering.
The first two are somewhat obvious...but the simplification goes much deeper than material possessions and a clean house (not that I'm even close to a clean house). There's too much emotional clutter in my life, to the point that I feel scattered, and instead of investing my time and efforts in a few key areas, it becomes spread too thin and renders itself ineffective. And I started to wonder, how many other women feel this way...and I was, may I admit pleasantly, surprised by the answers...many of us struggle with maintaining friendships worth keeping. It's not through a deliberate choice to struggle, but one of allowing everyday life and circumstances take away from our own needs, one of which being strong friendships.
When I look at my mom I see friendships that continue, spanning 35+ years, and I wonder how they did it. Well, they didn't work outside of the home, but that's not the entire answer. There was time made for things we don't tend to make time for anymore...a cup of coffee together, time sewing together, time just to chat. Once we moved, there was also the commitment to continue to stay in touch and to visit. And to this day my mom and her friends make that happen. In this great technological age, with all of its advances, there is also the negative of not needing to make an true effort anymore, and I'm guilty of this as well. Phone calls slack off, letters become non-existent, emails decline, and we are reduced to a hello on the Facebook wall. Again, totally guilty of such.
What does this mean for 2009? I've committed to myself that I will genuinely invest in those relationships that are meaningful to me...be it with a girlfriend around the corner or across the country. And while it sounds harsh, the flip side is I will no longer invest the time or energy in those relationships that lack authenticity, regardless of how long they have been in place. Ah, I feel relief just typing that. How interesting that when we break up with a guy, most of us are direct, specific, and resolute. We are direct with our kids and our spouses, yet why is it that women will not usually take the direct approach in acknowledging when a friendship has gone south? I have one relationship in particular that comes to mind, and I'll admit, I'm not taking the direct approach out...it's not one specific thing, it's not a monumental blow-out type of thing, rather it's years of seeing how different we are and I can no longer bridge that gap. For those in similar situations, struggling with letting a friendship go, I highly recommend http://www.lizpryor.com/.
I can assure you, if you are reading this blog, I am not talking about you, except in the sense that I need to focus more and up my efforts :) I wish everyone a wonderful and prosperous 2009, blessed beyond your imaginations! Peace-
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